How much different would our lives be if we had it in ourselves to say something so definitive or reassuring or compassionate or just to be a decent human being? or how bad would it be to have something to say and not say it?

Its interesting to me now that I older, that I identify with more of humanistic perspective ( now. When I was younger I was more of the mind of in the mind of ethical, spiritual, cultural, and religious relativism. Back on topic, leaning towards a more humanistic approach I am now concerned with empathy and believing in the good or the strengths of people rather then focusing on judgement of the bad or perceived weakness of people.

In Django Unchained, Schultz tells Candie exactly what he feels here, he realizes Candie is still in control of their situation (Schultz, Broomhilda, and Django.) yet is honest enough to tell Candie what he feels despite the precarious nature of their situation.

In life some people cannot tell others what they really feel, for what ever reasons, even people (or a person) they despise. Yet, just as many people cannot tell others (or the person they want) how they feel, again, for what ever reasons. I often think to myself how much I myself do it or not do it. I can do it easily some times and other times it is very difficult.

I find myself thinking about this now more then ever because just this last week, i was contacted by friend who asked me why haven’t we talked in months. What I wanted to say was, I am the type of person that holds a friendship in high regard, long distance and lack of communication does not erode that friendship or regard for that friendship. However, I did not say that, I merely replied I rarely like to intrude on some one and that I am easy to reach and talk to. Why did I balk to tell a well liked and respected friend what I really felt? I don’t know why, and its been bothering me. After much critical thinking, I came to an answer. I can hold a friendship in high regard, I can be a loyal friend, I can be a faithful companion, and I can be respectful confidant but I have issues with trust.

To let some one know exactly what you feel, confers a level of trust, I was able to easily tell people what I thought and felt about them because I did not trust them. Conversely, I had/have trouble in telling my friends exactly what I thought or felt because I was/am afraid of losing a friend due to how I feel. Not horribly negative feelings but overwhelmingly positive ones, that this friend should never have to feel the need to wonder if we are friends because of the distance between us or the lack of communication or anything, because I know in the very core of my being that friendship is sacred. Sacred. I will always be their friend, no matter what.

I was afraid that they would back off due to the immense feeler-ly, and thus lose some one as a friend because it comes off way too strong.

So what do I do? Do I never trust a friend with how I really feel? Do I never trust anyone due to the fear of losing them because of how I feel?

I know what I should do, the trouble is taking the first step, if I lose a friend over a positive emotional response they were never my friend truly.

I want to be able to trust and show my real feelings but the fear is immense and paralyzing. I posted the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear a few days ago. Perhaps I should go read it again and take its meaning.

I really take these bits of movies really seriously now that I look at it.


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