It’s been pretty long since the last one and its probably a good time to update.
My ways of dealing with stress and tension or frustration all have been helping immensely. They help me rein in my tendency to react negatively to situations, something that I really had a problem with before, I tended to react very impulsively and aggressively negatively but now I embrace or deflect it, I no longer try to oppose it. I can actually control myself now, meaning I can now handle situations better as I can now control myself.
I’ve also gotten a lot of things out of my way on my list of things to either do or buy this year. My plan to at least read or listen to at least 2 books a month is been followed pretty easily, my audible platinum subscription gives me 2 credits to buy 2 audiobooks. I’ve been using them all on the Dresden Files series, which is definitely now my favorite series of books now.
As for what caused me for to start this blog of sorts, I’ve made my peace with it now and held to what I’ve said. It’s time to start moving on now, that part of my life is over now and time just accept things as they are. It’s been 6+ months now and that gave me plenty of time to learn to live with things. It’s definitely true that time heals and the best way to do that is just to go on living your life. It’s not easy and definitely not anything happy, just acceptance, I threw away something pretty special for probably the most obtuse of reasons. Pride. I should have heeded Marsellus Wallace’s advice:
That’s pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts. It never helps. You fight through that shit.
I’ve done a lot to minimize things in my life that cause me grief or frustration or anger and have been maximizing doing things that give me a sort of happiness. It’s worked, I am no longer that SSDD type of not giving a shit dude anymore. I still have that attitude though, I really don’t give 2 shits about what anyone thinks, says, or believes about me as it is not something I can, or want to, control. People can think, speak, believe and live however they damn well please as long as it isn’t hurting me personally/emotionally/physically. I will also still call bullshit one whoever and whenever as well. I now am just not so apathetic or broody about my life or situation anymore. All that matters to me is Family and Friends, as long as I have both I am doing well.
I am the sort who will offend and instigate or push buttons still as well, mostly out of idealism though really, its my nature. You can’t really change the nature of things, all I can do is control my reactions which lessens any impact of horribly aggressive and impulsive response. That is the best I can do, and I do it for myself not for anyone else and not for any noble reasons either, I just want less grief and frustration in my life because of those responses.
As I often do, I look to the Dark Tower for things to apply to my life and here is one that I now take to heart.
You needn’t die happy when your time comes, but you must die satisfied, for you have lived your life from the beginning to the end and ka is always served.
And another quote from Stephen King I try to abide by.
Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.
That is ultimately what I try to do now, not let them win.